The Second Voyage into the Absurd
This article is a second voyage into that world. It moves beyond the spectacular and into the specific, chronicling the individual moments of bizarre logic, hilarious misadventure, and unforgettable characters that populate every sailing. These are the stories that unfold in the quieter corners of the ship: the baffling questions posed at the guest services desk, the slapstick mishaps in the corridors, and the public displays that are too strange to be malicious.
Here, we meet the passengers for whom reality is an optional extra, the individuals whose personal quirks blossom in the anonymous freedom of the sea, and the victims of hilarious, self-inflicted misfortune. This is a collection of tales that further illuminates the central truth of cruising: that a ship at sea is not an escape from humanity, but a hyper-concentrated, unfiltered, and often deeply weird version of it.
Part I: The Public Stage of Absurdity
The shared spaces of a cruise ship—the pool decks, the theaters, the hallways—are designed for relaxation and entertainment. Inevitably, they also become the stage for some of the most bizarre and unforgettable public displays, where private moments become shocking spectacles and the line between passenger and performance artist blurs completely.
The most audacious displays are often born of frustration. When a water pipe burst on one ship, causing a temporary water outage, one elderly woman decided a verbal complaint was insufficient. She emerged from her cabin completely naked and covered in soap, storming down the hallway while screaming at the top of her lungs that she didn’t have any water to finish washing her “ass”.1 While less dramatic, another passenger’s lack of inhibition was equally shocking. An obviously inebriated woman was seen urinating in her lounge chair by the pool in full view of other guests. After a brief pause, she got up, took a quick dip in the pool, and then stumbled away, leaving a massive puddle under her chair for the next unsuspecting sunbather.2
Sometimes, the spectacle is not a protest but a mishap of epic proportions. In one ship’s theater, a woman on a mobility scooter attempted to park at the top of the tiered seating. Accidentally hitting the accelerator instead of the brake, she launched herself and the scooter from the third level, flying through the air and crashing down multiple flights of stairs while still on the machine. The show was immediately canceled as the audience watched in horror and medical personnel rushed to the scene.3 The absurdity can even extend to shore excursions, as one group discovered when a drunk fisherman decided to release the tiny baby sharks he had been catching directly into the kiddie pool, thinking it was a hilarious prank.4
Part II: A Gallery of Unforgettable Characters
Beyond the momentary lapses in judgment, every cruise is populated by a cast of truly unforgettable characters—individuals whose unique worldview, peculiar habits, or sheer force of personality leave a lasting impression on all who encounter them.
Some of these characters are masters of misplaced indignation. One such legend was an elegant, elderly woman, impeccably dressed in a pink cardigan and pearls, who was observed loudly berating a security guard for his “absolutely DISGRACEFUL behaviour.” The source of her fury was not poor service, but the fact that he had discovered and confiscated the numerous bottles of gin she had attempted to smuggle aboard in her suitcase.1 Another character’s memorable performance was rooted in culinary conviction. During a stop in Cozumel, Mexico, a notoriously picky eater became enraged at the suggestion of lunch at a local taco stand. “I’m not going to eat Mexico’s tacos!” he declared angrily, before revealing his preference for a more “authentic” purveyor: “I like Taco Bell!”.5
The ship also provides a stage for those who simply march to the beat of their own drum. One crew member, determined to get a free flight home by being fired, took a novel approach. He got drunk, put on a large animal costume from the ship’s entertainment locker, and proceeded to dance wildly on the main promenade at 3 a.m..6 Other passengers display a quiet, baffling eccentricity, like the man at a water park who waded chest-deep into the wave pool while fully clothed in cowboy boots, jeans, a long-sleeve flannel shirt, and a cowboy hat, acting as if it were the most natural thing in the world.4
Part III: The Logic-Optional Zone
For some passengers, a cruise is an opportunity to take a vacation not just from work, but from the fundamental laws of logic and reason. This results in a delightful genre of cruise story centered on baffling questions, phantom conflicts, and a profound misunderstanding of how the world works.
The mandatory safety drill is a prime source of this confusion. During one muster drill, guests were assembled in the grand dining room at the stern of the ship. After the procedure was explained, one guest looked out the large windows at the open sea behind them and began to panic. “THERE’S NOT EVEN ANY LIFEBOATS ON BOARD!” she screamed. “YOU’RE LYING!”.5 This disconnect from reality can manifest in quieter, but no less bizarre, ways. One man approached the guest services desk with a serious question after observing fellow passengers wearing small patches behind their ears to prevent seasickness. “I was wondering,” he asked the crew member, “what religion the people with the patches are”.5
Sometimes the confusion is a shared delusion. A couple, convinced their neighbors were having a screaming fight, knocked on their cabin door at 1 a.m. to demand they stop. They were met by two bewildered men who had just quietly turned off the lights to go to sleep. Despite the obvious lack of conflict, the couple remained adamant that a fight had occurred, leaving both parties confused and awkward for the rest of the cruise.7 This logic-optional mindset can even extend to the natural world, as one beachgoer demonstrated when she approached lifeguards with a dead-serious request: could they please “turn the waves off” so her children could swim?.4
Part IV: Chronicles of Comedic Misfortune
While some cruise stories are defined by eccentricity, others are simple, hilarious tales of misfortune, often self-inflicted. These are the moments when bad decisions, bad luck, and the enclosed environment of a ship conspire to create pure slapstick comedy.
Children are often the catalyst for such events. One father repeatedly warned his son to slow down on the desserts at the buffet, telling him he was going to make himself sick. The son defiantly returned with another slice of cake, took two bites, and then promptly vomited all over the dining table as his father yelled, “Goddammit Jack! I told you!”.7 Adults, however, are just as capable of creating their own embarrassing messes. One passenger, after a night of overindulgence, had the misfortune of throwing up in their own bed while sleeping, leading to a deeply apologetic and well-tipped encounter with their cabin steward the next morning.1
Sometimes, the misfortune is a group affair. A family with young children found themselves trapped in the ship’s playroom when the interior door handle fell off. While they banged on the large window to get the attention of people walking by, their pleas for help were misinterpreted. For half an hour, every passerby simply smiled and waved cheerfully at the “happy family” playing inside before someone finally realized their predicament and got the door open.7 Yet, perhaps the most incredible story of misfortune turning into triumph is that of the intoxicated British passenger who, after a fight with her boyfriend, jumped off the seventh deck into the Adriatic Sea. A massive search failed to find her, but she was discovered 10 hours later by the Croatian Coast Guard, alive and well. She claimed to have survived the 60-mile ordeal by singing and meditating through the night.8
Conclusion: The Unending Voyage of Weirdness
This second collection of stories reaffirms that the cruise ship is a theater of the absurd unlike any other. The tales of naked protestors, gin-smuggling seniors, phantom fighters, and singing survivors are not exceptions; they are the natural byproduct of an environment that temporarily suspends the rules of normal life. They demonstrate that for every major drama, there are a dozen smaller, funnier, and stranger stories unfolding in the cabins and corridors.
These anecdotes reveal the charming, baffling, and hilarious spectrum of human behavior. They showcase our capacity for profound cluelessness, our flair for the dramatic, and our incredible resilience in the face of both self-inflicted mishaps and genuine peril. The cruise ship remains a floating petri dish, and the specimens under the microscope continue to be endlessly fascinating. As long as humanity takes to the seas for leisure, there will be an inexhaustible supply of stories that are too weird, too funny, and too unbelievable not to be told.
