Why don’t cruise ship elevators ever get seasick?
Because they only go up and down, never side to side.
A passenger asked: “Captain, if this ship sinks, will we all be saved?”
The captain replied: “Of course… the crew gets saved in the computer system every morning.”
What’s the difference between a buffet line and a safety drill?
People actually show up early for the buffet.
On a cruise ship, your cabin is smaller than your bathroom at home…
…but at least you don’t have to clean either one!
How do you know a passenger is on their first cruise?
They’re the ones looking for the lifeboats… in the spa.
Crew member to another: “What time is it?”
Other crew: “Depends… passenger time, officer time, or crew bar time?”
Why do ship engineers never play hide and seek?
Because good luck hiding when you smell like engine oil.
A passenger asked the cruise director: “Can this ship sink?”
Director: “Only once.”
Why don’t magicians like working on cruise ships?
Because every time they say “I need volunteers,” the whole front row disappears to the buffet.
The internet onboard is so slow…
By the time your message sends, you’ve already signed off contract.
Why don’t crew members sunbathe on deck?
Because their off time is at 3 AM.
A passenger once complained: “The sea is too loud at night!”
We offered them earplugs… shaped like anchors.
Why do cabin stewards make great poker players?
Because they always know when you’re bluffing — they’ve already seen your room.
On land: “I live in a one-bedroom apartment.”
Onboard: “Luxury! I live in a one-bedroom closet with a flat-screen fish.”
Why do passengers take so long at security?
They’re trying to smuggle home more desserts than their luggage can carry.
A ship’s officer said: “I’ve been on board for 8 months.”
Passenger replied: “Wow, you must love cruises!”
Officer: “…Sure, let’s call it love.”
Why do comedians love performing on cruise ships?
Because half the audience can’t escape until the next port.
Passenger: “Can I see the captain?”
Crew: “Only if you’re lucky enough to bump into him in the buffet.”
Why don’t laundry staff ever gossip?
Because they always keep things under wraps.
Life on a cruise ship is like a soap opera:
Same people, same drama… but with better sunsets.
